"I don't lose I either win or learn" -Nelson Mandela

I tried to explain why I don't regret my marriage many times. I always seem to come short. I don't know am I that bad at explaining things or my experience is difficult to understand in a heated CB atmosphere. Probably a combination of both. That's why I'm writing this. 

There was a time when I blamed my husband for all our sex issues. He's the one with a health problem (low testosterone). While I'm the healthy and eager one. It seemed logical to me that this was his fault.

It makes me laugh when people ask me did I try talking to him. Oh boy have I tried talking. 

I tried talking to him nicely. 

I tried jelling. 

I tried crying (not intending to manipulate but constant rejection is hurtful to everyone). 

I tried getting us in marriage counseling. 

Made appointments for him to see doctors. 

Tried having him watch helpful videos I found. 

Found books, found audiobooks as well. 

Suggested we go to church together. 

Suggested he tries therapy, maybe hypnotherapy as well. 

I have tried many of those things a lot of times and that list is not complete. But I'll stop here. It's reminding me once again that he's not the only one with issues. I had big issues as well. 

You see, for me, it was normal to not have my emotional needs met. It was normal to not have sexual needs met as well.

It was normal to be so preoccupied with someone and try to "fix them" when they aren't interested in fixing themselves. 

My husband wasn't willing to change. He never wanted any of the things I was trying to make him do. He's perfectly content with us living as roommates. 

I know what you're thinking. 

What the hell man!! 

Who wants to live without sex???

 

But I bet you it's way more people than you and I both think. And now I don't think there's anything wrong with them. Different strokes for different folks. 

But there is something very wrong with misrepresenting your intentions. And my husband did mislead me into thinking that he wants to have sex as well. 

But I played a big role in it and made it easy to be misled. 

So now I learned why and how I ended up in this situation. I learned how to recognize when my friends are heading down similar roads so I can warn them. I know how to avoid this when I'm ready to start my next relationship.

I also learned our biggest weaknesses are also our biggest strengths. While my husband didn't want to "be fixed", despite all my efforts and best intentions. But now when I'm working as a personal trainer this is a fabulous use of my energy. With people that are looking to change. 

I also have CB space to share all my sexual energy and have so much fun. And I get to save all of your tips for a time I'm ready to leave him. 

And this is just a part of what I learned about myself in this sexless marriage. But this has gotten long so I'll spare you other details. 

I hope now you as well can see why I don't have much to complain about. The purpose of this relationship for me wasn't happily ever after. It was to get to know myself and grow into a better person. 

Now I'd invite you to reflect and reconsider something that didn't go as planned in your life. Be it relationships, business, anything. And instead of viewing the negatives of why things didn't work try to focus on the role they played in your life and the growth that can come from that experience. 

We can't change what happened but we can change what it meant.

Dee